Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
