I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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