Well apparently he's into motor boating.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
