My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
