I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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