You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
