She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
