hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
