I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
