It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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