I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
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