oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
Randomize
