Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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