so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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