nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
