Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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