...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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