the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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