i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
