we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
