O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
