And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
