I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
