I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
