I CAN MOONWALK!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
