i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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