Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
