I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
