Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Randomize
