Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
