he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
