I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
