I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
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Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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