Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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