How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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