i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
