You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
