OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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