idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
