I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
