Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
