walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
