we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
She needs sedatives and a leash
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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