Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I just googled if crying burns calories
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
