His hands were made for my vagina.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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