So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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