Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
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When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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