I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
