Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
