just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
