i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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