I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
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