My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
