I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
