That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
