So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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