When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
