That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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