I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Randomize
