so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize