i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
