Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
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