So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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