I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
