I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
