I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I smell stomach acid.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
