We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My ATM looks so different sober.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
