And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
