The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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