I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
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