Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
