i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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