you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
