Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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