if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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