She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
