Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
