a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
