I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize